Here are some things I typed.
The New Mascots Are Here!!!
So after three weeks of NFL football your favorite squad has yet to win a game. The fan base has fallen into a depressing torpor. In order to reinvigorate the supporters of your favorite club I suggest re-branding. Re-branding through new mascots! Here are some suggestions.
- The Crabs - Crabs are tough little water bugs known for their claws and you can eat them. Imagine all the claw based cheers and signs there would be. Most win-less teams are located on the East coast, so procuring crabs to sell at games should not be difficult. Baltimore had their chance to be the Crabs, but they blew it. They blew it! Suggested colors are red and sienna.
- The Hippos - Hippopotamus one of the largest land mammals. These pachyderms live in rivers and lakes and, while very large, can easily outrun a person. They are territorial and travel in groups. This mascot combine both the cute style of mascot and the dangerous animal style of mascot. Their chubby bodies and big yawns can be pretty cute, but their large bodies and teeth and aggressive temperament make them one of the most dangerous animals in Africa. Suggested colors are grey and salmon.
- Some sort of job - A few NFL, and even some college teams, are named for popular industries of that region, such as the Green Bay Packers and the Pittsburgh Steelers. OK, so here are some ideas for the teams in question: The Minnesota Sugar Beets, the Washington D. C. Lawyers, the Jacksonville Top Guns, the New York Bankers, the Pittsburgh Water Pump Manufacturers, the Tampa Bay Embarrassing Police Reports. Suggested colors green and mauve.
- The Pikachus - One word, cross-promotion. Nintendo is coming out with a new Pokemon game this holiday season and your team could cross-promote your squad and their new game. Pikachu is the most beloved of all the Pokemon, so it stands to reason that the adorable electric mouse would be the mascot. You have to do this quick though, I hear Cincinnati’s MLB team already named their team after the protagonist from the Pokemon manga. Suggested colors are yellow and brown. Obviously,
- The Generals - In it’s history, American football teams have had often been compared to armies. Half of all of Lombardi’s quotes make this comparison, but that might be due to his longtime employment as a football coach for Army. And who runs the army? The Generals. Your team could proudly do some globetrotting with their new mascot. Washington could really use this one as a more patriotic mascot, keeping in mind that the city is the nations capital. Suggested colors are yellow and green.
Which is your favorite?
Star Wars Day
Today is May 4, Star Wars Day. I like Star Wars, but I hate puns even more. So out of spite, here is a list of four sports events in celebration of this nerd holiday.